


Stop

by laleia



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: F/M, Foreign Language Source, POV Minor Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-29
Updated: 2010-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-08 09:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laleia/pseuds/laleia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We never play go anymore.  Hikaru/Akari, Hikaru/Go</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop

We never play go.

Perhaps that isn’t the best way to put it.  Obviously, _he_ plays go.  It’s his job.  He plays all the time, whether professional games to defend his title or games with friends, comrades, and colleagues for fun.  With Isumi-san, and Waya-san, and Akira-san.  And sometimes Ochi-san, I suppose, but not too often with him.

And _I_ play go, too.  For fun on the weekends, when Mitani-san and Kaneko-san come over for dinner.  Sometimes, even Tsutsui-san can make it.

What I mean is, we never play go _with each other_. 

We used to.  Our courtship ran the gamut of go played to calm his nerves between big tournaments and important games with higher-_dan_ players.  But somehow, between him becoming a higher-_dan_ player and us getting married, we never play go anymore.  I suppose he doesn’t need me to calm his nerves.

It makes me sad, of course, when I stop to give too much thought to it.  Go is obviously a large part of his life, and I miss out.  I can support him, and cheer for him, but I’m not part of that very important part of his life.  The _most_ important part of his life, one could say.  I’m not stupid – I know very well how high I rank among his priorities in life.  High on the list, but still (always) second to go.

You could even argue that Akira-san is more important to him than I am, because for Hikaru, Akira-san represents the essence of go.  They are Eternal Rivals and have a lifelong special bond because of that.  I am not _jealous_, of course.  That would be silly.  Their relationship is strictly platonic, and strictly centered around go.  They are friends, but Rivals before friends.  Without go, their relationship would have – no frame, no structure, no substance. 

Then again, the thought of contemplating an Akira-san or a Hikaru-san without go is … _un_thinkable.

Maybe I am a _little_ jealous, but it is just a little.  I know it is silly.  Hikaru loves me, and wants to start a family with me, and I am his wife, and I am important to him.

But … not as important as go.  I knew that when I married him.  When I married him, though, we had the go in common and other things in common, and I was such a large part of his life precisely because I could understand the go _and_ everything else.  As he became more and more skilled, though, my part of his go world became less and less.

Now there is so much of his life that I am … not exactly _not_ a part of, but not _as much_ of a part of.  Some of the older players tease him about someone called Sai; others from the strangest walks of life and farthest corners of the world call him friend because of the go they played.  They all share a part of him that I no longer do – I listen to the stories, but I am no longer part of them.

So yes, I am the tiniest bit jealous of go, this game that consumes his life.  It is silly and irrational.  After all, I love go, too, you know.  It reminds me of high school and all the fun I had then.  It reminds me of Hikaru.  It reminds me of our courtship, of our first game together, of every game we’ve played since.

This jealousy is not significant, I rarely think of it, and I would never admit it aloud.  The only effect it has on my life is that sometimes I sit and think, –

We never play go anymore.


End file.
